United Airlines Doesn't Love American Soldiers

I've been sitting on this story for a while, but now that Veteran's Day is around the corner, and the holiday season is kicking off, I thought I'd share with the greater world my trip home from Iraq in June 2008.

I had just finished out-processing at Fort Benning, Georgia, and was about to fly home and see my wife and family for the first time. I was out of uniform, but I had the typical crew cut, two giant Army duffle bags, and military ID ready-to-show should the need arise.

I'm a tall man, and, before Iraq I used to be an avid traveler and had earned "premium" status on United. That doesn't mean much beyond the occasional cut in line and a free upgrade to Economy plus. As a tall guy whose also remarkably cheap, economy plus suited my just fine.

I approach the check-in counter. There is a large woman typing away. She asks for my flight information. She checks my bags. She explains they are overweight and I give her a copy of my deployment orders showing that the government will cover the cost of the large bags. Then I ask if there's any space in the exit rows.

She types. "No, no room."

"Well then could I get an upgrade with my Premium card?" I hand her the card. She runs it through the system a few times.

"You're not a Premium member," she explains.

"I am," I assure.

"Well have you flown United Airlines in the past year?"

"I've been in Iraq for the past year."

"So then you haven't flown United in a year and your membership was canceled."

At that point, it felt great to be back in the United States after spending a year in Iraq. I was glad I had just defended this woman, and the policies of United Airlines from terror abroad. I did not want to argue. I did not want to do anything but go home, so I took my back seat and started collecting miles all over again.

Admittedly, I haven't pursued the fact that United Airlines cancels US Troops frequent flyer miles beyond bitching about it to my friends, and so I'm really just as culpable as they are. But the utter lack of giving-a-shit the woman displayed still sizzles my bacon a year later.

There's a plus here though. I have three hours to waste at my gate and spend a good part of it at a restaurant where I have a few beers and strike up a conversation with the guy next to me. He's a fine guy, just a guy waiting for his flight. He does airline interior design--which is a profession I didn't even know existed--but after working for a larger company for a bit he struck out on his own and is now his own boss trying to make ends meet.

After an hour or so, we get to me and what I'm doing there and I explain I'm on my flight home from Iraq. The stranger, Scott was his name, buys my drinks and my meal outright. I thank him, and he thanks me and says its the least he could do. He didn't have to do it, and I didn't deserve it, but it was a moment in my life I'll never forget.

Happy Veteran's Day. Thanks for all that have served and all that will.

CIA Secrets Now On Your Computer!

The National Archives is a repository for some of the nuttiest, wackiest and otherwise entertaining documents in the world. There's the patent for a life-preserving coffin (for those less-than-sure burials). There are the photos of Elvis and Nixon, snapped after Elvis showed up unannounced and offered his services to help fight in the war on drugs.

Eventually, every record of the federal government will end up inside the walls of the National Archives, though some agencies are more willing to part with their documents than others. One fickle foe is the Central Intelligence Agency. Their documents are available on a database called CREST, which is a database only accessible at the National Archives in College Park, Maryland. It's web surfing makes for some damned interesting reads--like the once-classified memo about the connection between construction in the Middle East and the CIA is particularly interesting.

But, for those few hundred million folks who don't live near College Park, Maryland, fear not, with the power of the internet you can now research your own conspiracy theories on the CIA's Freedom of Information Act Electronic Library. A respectable amount of information is available at your fingertips through this gem-of-a-website.

Unsure about what to search for? Try these for starters:

1. MKULTRA: Testing LSD on unwitting Americans? What about the use of hypnosis as a sleuthing tool in the spy world? It's all here, and it's all real. This is what George Clooney's The Men Who Stare At Goats is based on.
   
2. Fidel Castro: The CIA's favorite target, you can now read up on all the attempts to kill Cuba's leader, from the poisoned wet suit to the Bay of Pigs.
3. Psychopharmacological: Ever want to know the chemical structure of LSD? The CIA did. They thought it would make a fine truth serum. (Also in a George Clooney movie: The Good Shepherd)
   
4. Family Jewels: Putting wiretaps on American journalists? Detaining without authorization a defecting KGB agent? Sounds like modern headlines, but this is all from the 50s and 60s.
   

All The Rave: Three States To Go!

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, the light of the Fourth Corner has illuminated nearly the entire country with the exception of a few backwater states (kidding!), namely Arkansas, Delaware and Maine.

They're an interesting group of states. Arkansas news deals almost exclusively in football, so it's tough to find middle ground. As for Delaware, well, they have the world pumpkin chunkin championship, and we're optimistic that folks who enjoy lobbing pumpkins great distances in Nassau, DE, can find something to talk about in the Fourth Corner. And Maine, Maine is where the Fourth Corner founder was pulled over for suspected terrorism after eying the Pisqataqua River Bridge too long (really), and there's a sense of paranoia there that makes us think they'd like to know when the apocalypse will happen, and we've got just the section for that.



Finally, this doesn't relate to any of that, but it was spotted in the previously mentioned Metro UK paper today (they really are great) and was too peculiar not to highlight. Think being allergic to your husband's sperm is bad? Try finding out about it on your wedding night, and then telling the whole world. That's what happened to an unfortunate Pennsylvania couple. Thanks Metro UK, and thanks for tuning in.

Photo Caption Contest - Nov 5

Congratulations to last week's photo caption contest winner, Gene, though I was really hoping someone would post something with a Austrian-scientist type accent. I don't know why.

While there are many, many, many, many photos from last weekend to post for this week's contest, numerous ones of me in hot pants at least, this week's photo caption contest comes from A Year of Weekends' own fearless, obnoxious, wouldn't-stop-whining-last-night, ghost hunting dog Meepers.

Click, Watch, Caption.

Strange, Weird News That We Never See

American news loves America. British news, however, loves everything. Mostly the Spice Girls and football, but having been a global empire for so long, the Brits are still interested in news the world over. Here's what you've been missing:

Rugby Player's Eye Bursts: A 34 year old man explains how he 'lost some of the jelly-like fluid' in his eye during a rugby match.

Man Stabs Himself to Avoid Work: A Denver video clerk stabs himself, falsely reports an assault, and later admits the wounds were self-inflicted so he could avoid work.

27 Foot Effigy of Pop Star To Be Burned: A large effigy of reality-TV star Katie "Jordan" Price (think of her as the British version of Kim Kardashian) will be burned tonight. All major papers are running this headline.

Fashion Week in Kazakhstan: No really. Fashion week in Kazakhstan.

Airline to Reduce Gas Emissions by Reducing Passenger's Gas: Japan's Nippon airways believes it can save five tons of carbon emissions by having passengers relieve themselves before boarding the flight. The combined weight difference of full-bladdered passengers vice empty-bladdered passengers may be enough to save fuel and save the environment.